and just like that...

...i had a movie night with someone i was crushing on a couple months back. we stayed in touch. and it was just a matter of..."i got some movies out the redbox, today." "and you didn't invite me?" "umm...you're invited. come through. see you @ 9." 

i'm so weird. i wasn't nervous but i didn't have any butterflies or tingly feelings. but then again...i'm too cool for all that dude. LOL. no seriously, we didn't talk much just cuddled and watched a movie and there was absolutely nothing wrong with that. 

i don't want a relationship at this present moment and i took a vow of abstinence. oh yeah, i forgot to tell you...i took a vow of abstinence. lol. we're five months strong. i've gone a year before so....its totally doable. so...don't be surprised if you see me popping up with DIY's and VLOGs. A bitch needs a hobby. 

drifting.

my brain has literally been a wreck. i work 897,087 hours a week. so i kinda don't have time. i'm kinda tired. it helps that i've been going to church every sunday to sort things out and have sense of direction but at this point it isn't enough.

but lately i've been thinking i should take this crazy broad's advice and seek help. therapy is somewhat taboo in the black community but i've been a psych major i'm totally for it. i just need to sort my thoughts.

it sucks that i have to pay for that. but sometimes to not be judged and not have your words used against you or later thrown in your face...it seems like i couldn't pay enough to talk to a professionally trained non-judgmental stranger to take these scattergories and make them...categories?

the office is my shit.

we must not complain.

today's lesson in church was about complaining. 

deuteronomy 8:1-11

i've always thought the bible is pretty much how you relate it to life and how you perceive it. in addition to an obedience to God. that's pretty much what the book of deuteronomy is about. however, this particular  verse basically states, with suffering comes great things. dont question why you have just enough food to feed you, one day you will have your harvest. with suffering you have learned how to plant the seeds to produce your harvest. 

so..... if it sucks now. you're not dying even though its uncomfortable. you will be feasting on life. 

i have to remind myself of this. my mind isn't right. i also saw a sign on a different church billboard that states "the best revenge is to forgive and forget." you're so right, church billboard. 

word.