I forgot i see Hov in about 2 weeks...::roc sign::

this video was my favorite back in the day, it was when i first learned who Jay was. I been down ever since.

i'm so happy for him but i can't help but feel sad for me. we all have to go through things for a reason but i didn't think it would hurt the way that it did. right now, i'm not hurt anymore i'm simply ambivalent. i went through hurt...that was in june. i went through hope that was in july. i went through confusion in august and clarity in september. and in october i realized it'll never be. but i will say that i do adore him. and i believe i will always, as a friend and as a lover. even though i hoped that my "Brown Sugar" moment will come.. it won't. It's just a movie. unfortunately, it'll never be. i'll just poke out my bottom lip and move on. and i thought i would never be her. i was taught to never be her. rude awakening. :/

I once again, have been missing. This time it is not my fault. For the first time, I don't have the freakin internet in my apartment. This sucks. You never know how dependent you are on something until it is taken away from you. lol. So unfortunately for my readers, there is no drama going on in my life. I know my life is your entertainment but I am chillin. It feels so good. Like I told my buddy yesterday as I was laying on my bed on my back with my hands behind my head, looking up at ceiling... "I'm so happy."

However, one thing did piss me off... They are making everyone who is part-time add an additional 5-8 hours to their schedule for awhile. So they can be back to full-time. No...I need to be part-time for my own selfish reasons. This is bullshit. I work in a damn call center for some of the most disgruntled customers in the United States. But at least I have a job right? See how you have to use optimism to shield your anger? That's your lesson for the day kids ;)

so me and abby were talking about what we were going to be for halloween. so many thoughts ran through my head! the first thing i thought about was Nicki Minaj! How fun would that be?

this shouldn't be hard to do at all. if all else fails...me and Abby are going to goodwill and we will be Salt N Pepa. lol.

"Ah! So this is where fashion comes to die."

- Me after walking into Goodwill.

call me a snob all you want but thrift stores stink and they make me itch. i don't see how people DO IT. I cannot see how people take the time to find the good stuff. if it doesnt jump out at me... i won't see it in my 42 seconds in the store. ::folds arms and looks off::

finally, my own place :)

I hate moving but I love new places ;) and how unfortunate that i had to move damn near everything by myself but thats what you gotta do. growing up, me and my mom moved every year so... i'm kinda hoping i can call this place home.

my thoughts on "we were once a fairytale."

Spike, Kanye... can you please stop working together? k? THANKS.

video: q-tip x norah jones - life is better. :)

LOVE LOVE LOVE.

sooo.....

sorry it's been about a week. i've been busy. i moved everything out of the house last wednesday.i move in to the new apartment officially on tuesday. it is... fall break now. which means i need to study and get some overtime in at work. man i really really hate my job but as i always say, i'm glad i have it because its so hard to get a job out here. trust me. but i need the money, i got stuff to buy. i also need to stack for next semester. this semester my grades are going to be so wack. like for real. but i'm not upset about it. can't stress about that. we'll do better next semester. i haven't really been focused thanks to all the unnecessary drama. but its cool. i am starting FRESH. i love fresh starts or as i affectionately call them do-overs. 2009 is basically over. it was a good year then i started to kinda lose control around about ... May. so, let's get 2010 started. out with the old and in with the new. i mean that in ALL aspects of life. so in the next couple weeks, i'll probably get ghost on people again. just like i did around the same time last year. just so i can start getting things back in order for myself. ;)

i know i been walking around looking like this guy.

and you said September wasn't your month. well October ain't shit for me so far. Say hello to the bad guy. Cause they say I'm the bad guy. heh. I can really be the bad guy if thats what they want.

FOR REAL FAM?? THATS WHAT WE DO... AIGHT.

so here's the update, my roommates ganged up on me Saturday. well in case you forgot my roommates are my cousins. they confronted me like in combat, old-school on the playground confrontation style. the old two against one. "what you don't like us anymore? you think you better than us?" well long story short, i'm not really feeling my apartment with them. for me it's a little too much traffic and it makes me uncomfortable. we have our frequent guests. some that i know, some that i don't know until I have seem them in my house for days straight... our house is always dirty. no matter who cleans it, its right back dirty the next day. i call our house the "frathouse" because thats what it reminds me of. unfortunately, there are no maids; yet people always leave stuff for others to clean. for the most part, i don't mind sharing my stuff but when i don't want to share anymore i get damn near persecuted? "why can't we go in your room when you're not home? what you think we gon' steal your stuff?" no..but who's to say YOUR company won't? they are your company what makes you think they give a fuck about me and my possessions? and HOW ARE YOU GON TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY STUFF? so for the last week, i haven't been home because I wanted some peace and quiet. [ in addition to the new found BUG problem they created. ] so Saturday morning, i got a call from my cousin who was basically cursing me out because she found out i was apartment hunting. this is two days after i got LOCKED OUT OF MY OWN CRIB by her. when i come home (because she insists that i talk to her face to face and i know how random she is)...i FIND MY DOOR GOT KICKED IN. like Bruce-Lee-Hiyah-kicked-the-fuck-in and it wont even shut all the way. my door that i put a lock on for my own privacy is destroyed. that is so disrespectful. so you take away the only piece of sanity that i have in that hellhole? what kinda shit is that? i'm the only one with a key to the house and i can't even keep my things protected because you wanna Chun-Li the fucking door?! this ain't Street Fighter and I ain't got time. and thats supposed to be my blood. fam, you just gon' kick my shit in like i ain't shit? just motherfuck my door, huh? and he said "blood is thicker than water" and its also messy as hell and unsightly so i'm putting a band-aid on it and stopping the flow. i move into my OWN 1 bedroom apartment this weekend. bitchessss.

it's the little things that matter the most.

really think about that. like really. in any given situation whether negative or positive...

"i miss my love" is on repeat. i love songs that tell a story like i can picture it in my head.

new n.e.r.d. member? :-/

::fold arms and looks the other way:: she will have to impress thee. you know how i feel about girls. :-/

i never knew how hard it was to hunt for an apartment. especially when you don't really know the city you live in. i think i'm just gon' have to settle. for now.. :/

jay-z & foxy - sunshine.

this was like my favorite song for a lonnnnng time. this video is the epitome of a late 90's rap video. hype directed it. lots of colors, shiny suits, that one girl in the background with the curly hair that looked kinda mixed, the random group of dancers in some weird isolated location with matching baggy jumpsuits, the infamous slow motion booty shot. maybe because ALL the late 90's rap videos were directed by hype. lol. ::sigh:: jay and fox were like the '97 bonnie and clyde.

"I ain't deaf nor blind, niggas stressin /Hatin cause they less than mine, they wanna sex me / We chose each other, you actin like you chose me / They oppose you then, they oppose me / We could creep at a low speed, the gat in the hosiery /Double cross you they got to triple cross me baby."

this nigga really is a pimp.

i saw this over at bossip.com and apparently this is his side-chick or as i would call it, his bitch. what?? i'm a product of my environment. lol...i wouldn't say it outloud but thats what i be thinkin! i mean we all can play the "down" role but is it worth tattoos?! nah-nah.

so you pay for my tuition... knowing i didnt have the money. "i want you to go to school. i got you, don't worry about it. just make sure you get in-state." what happened to that?? what happened to you balling out of control? no one told you to jet-set to houstatlantavegas, buy too-small-for-your-big-ass shirts from express, hyperdunks, and TK's when you know you got bills and obligations. why you want the money back now? i'll give you the money. and once again i will have to part ways with you. you know its nothing for me to not talk to people. i been solo dolo. i was born that way. i don't need a tag-along anyway. ANNND you owe my cousin $50 and i'm telling on you for all them times you took her car when she was out of town, loser. without me you have 0 friends. good luck with that. trust me you NEED me. i don't need shit...anymore, lol ;)

petra storrs paper clothing.

i'm fresh out of textiles class. so this is very interesting right now. it's made entirely out of paper.

yoooooo.

so it's october! which means i've been blogging here for a year now... sigh. so many things have changed yet so much has stayed the same. i'm not trying to get into the retrospective of thisissharona.com right now. the funny thing is i read back to some of my late october blogposts from last year ; in my apartment in chicago i had the same problem. [neighbor issues / i hate where i live complex.]... so. i found a little peace. i've been sleeping over friends houses for the last two days and i pay rent elsewhere. that's how bad it is at home. i'm not gonna bug out about it anymore. i'm just gonna keep ghostin and filling out applications for apartments. i hate that i'm going to leave my little bellevue community but its so far. pretty and peaceful but stupid far. the thing about nashville is; i don't know where the "bad" neighborhoods are, dude i'm from chicago. i can't even recognize what looks like the bad side. i mean i still know people who leave they doors unlocked on they car annnd leave the windows rolled down more than a crack....[where they do that at?!] lol. all in all, i got a couple spots i'm looking at. cross your fingers for me, kids!