and just like that...

...i had a movie night with someone i was crushing on a couple months back. we stayed in touch. and it was just a matter of..."i got some movies out the redbox, today." "and you didn't invite me?" "umm...you're invited. come through. see you @ 9." 

i'm so weird. i wasn't nervous but i didn't have any butterflies or tingly feelings. but then again...i'm too cool for all that dude. LOL. no seriously, we didn't talk much just cuddled and watched a movie and there was absolutely nothing wrong with that. 

i don't want a relationship at this present moment and i took a vow of abstinence. oh yeah, i forgot to tell you...i took a vow of abstinence. lol. we're five months strong. i've gone a year before so....its totally doable. so...don't be surprised if you see me popping up with DIY's and VLOGs. A bitch needs a hobby. 

drifting.

my brain has literally been a wreck. i work 897,087 hours a week. so i kinda don't have time. i'm kinda tired. it helps that i've been going to church every sunday to sort things out and have sense of direction but at this point it isn't enough.

but lately i've been thinking i should take this crazy broad's advice and seek help. therapy is somewhat taboo in the black community but i've been a psych major i'm totally for it. i just need to sort my thoughts.

it sucks that i have to pay for that. but sometimes to not be judged and not have your words used against you or later thrown in your face...it seems like i couldn't pay enough to talk to a professionally trained non-judgmental stranger to take these scattergories and make them...categories?

the office is my shit.

we must not complain.

today's lesson in church was about complaining. 

deuteronomy 8:1-11

i've always thought the bible is pretty much how you relate it to life and how you perceive it. in addition to an obedience to God. that's pretty much what the book of deuteronomy is about. however, this particular  verse basically states, with suffering comes great things. dont question why you have just enough food to feed you, one day you will have your harvest. with suffering you have learned how to plant the seeds to produce your harvest. 

so..... if it sucks now. you're not dying even though its uncomfortable. you will be feasting on life. 

i have to remind myself of this. my mind isn't right. i also saw a sign on a different church billboard that states "the best revenge is to forgive and forget." you're so right, church billboard. 

word.

life.

the consultation.

so, i had a liposuction consultation. i know, controversy. i was quite intrigued about the whole procedure and have been researching it for months. whereas i am not a fat person. i've always been a lil overweight. or on the chunky side. no matter what diet, workout regimen (and i love to workout by the way) or lifestyle change i'm on...i've always had a buddha belly, lol. thats what my mom and i called it. i can tone my arms, thighs, legs, everything but this belly never goes anywhere. i did 1000 ab crunches every night one summer while being on a minimal calorie diet just as a test and what happened... not only did i not shed an inch...i had muscle definition on a protruding belly. who puts a six pack on a keg?! it was the worst!

i'm not ashamed of my size because i've been thirty pounds heavier. as well as i've been 15 pounds lighter than i am now. i can dress for my size and i'm even an average size i don't have to search for clothes. i don't even venture into the plus size side at all. i can comfortably fit a large. extra larges hang off me unless i'm in a juniors dept. which in all actuality works better for my short stature. but even at my smallest...buddha was still in the house. so i consulted with Dr. Jimerson in the Atlanta Georgia area about reducing the buddha. 

I understand that liposuction does reduce the fat cells in that region and they never come back. however, it can cause other areas of the body that normally wouldn't produce weight to now produce weight. i had a breast reduction about 5 years ago so i noticed that my buddha increased after i lost my boobs. the fat that normally went to my boobs went to my belly. :(

So, it needs to go. My consultation with Dr. Jimerson was bright and early. I spoke with him and an assistant. I was excited to speak with him about his method of lipo and my expectations of the surgery. Do I expect to be Kim K after this? Not at all. I don't even want my butt done in real life. I feel like I would get stalked or attract creepy big booty fetish losers. I'm just simply doing it so I can live a bit of a healthier life because a lot of belly fat is dangerous more susceptible to strokes and heart attacks as well as...hell, I want my clothes to fit a hell of a lot better. 

Do you know how many of my outfits have been ruined due to the buddha?! LOL. But...so far, I'm set for late January, early February. He quoted me for $4800 and I've already saved about $3300... so I'm mentally prepared to do it. I just want to get rid of it. My mom's all for it. As am I. Thats all that matters.

thats word to ollie spano.

peach apple sangria. i live!

just a sunday afternoon.

chitown nigga.

red hot chili peppers - can't stop.

shoutout to my best friend trey he kills this on the guitar!

this is how lame i am. i love this song.

if this song ever comes on... i get geeked and sing it. trust me, i had a moment in walgreens a couple weeks ago. i went in for tampons and had an impromptu concert. but i'm about that life.